Always learning to trust.

There’s something called trust...and I struggle with it a lot. I know that probably sounds cliché and that everyone always struggles with trusting God, but I swear, it’s ten times harder for me. I like a plan, I like structure, I like being able to control things. Throughout the past two weeks, I have learned that I can’t always have things my way. God has different plans and his plans are forcing me to trust in Him. Yes, the Bible is loaded with scripture that talks about trusting in the Lord, not being anxious, and casting all our cares on Him...but it is so much harder than it sounds (which, I am sure all of you have figured out!). There are already many things this semester that I learning are out of my control, but I know that God has a plan that will bring the glory to Him and Him alone.
Here are some things in which I am learning to trust in the Lord:

-Safety: Sometimes I feel unsafe here because the men aren’t the most respectful of women, but I know that God will always protect me (but don’t worry, I’m not careless either). There was also an earthquake here today. It was the first earthquake I have ever felt and I was a little concerned, but again, I am reminded that the God of the universe is holding me in His hands.

-Free time: I have a lot of free time here in Antigua and I often times find myself somewhat bored. I know that God has something great for me to do and I just need Him to reveal a special volunteer opportunity where He will use me to serve and further His kingdom. I need to take this free time and use it to sit at His feet and bask in His glory. God’s timing is always perfect, even when I can’t seem to see that.

-Getting better at Spanish: Right now I feel as though I am not making much progress with Spanish. I know that I am definitely learning things, but I feel like I’m not speaking it any better. Again, God knows what I will learn and what I know already. He will prepare each day and show me ways to better learn the language. God will guide Sabina to show me and teach me in the perfect way. I trust that God has placed Sabina in my life for me to show her the love and compassion of Jesus Christ. The Lord also knows that I am going to have three weeks free at the end of this trip because I will finish my 15 credits in 12 weeks instead of the full 15 weeks. God knows that I need something to do during that time, whether it be volunteer work, providing me with more Spanish lessons, or going to visit Casa Bernabé...He will provide me with the perfect thing to fill that time...no matter how frustrated I get in the meantime.

-The relationship with our house mom: Chiqui is precious. She received the nickname Chiqui when she was little (from her grandmother) because she was so small. She is so sweet, but also seems to have somewhat of a wild side...she always asks us if we are going out dancing or partying, haha! However, we only get to spend meals with her and she doesn’t even eat with us which makes it difficult to truly establish a relationship. I praise God because tonight at dinner we were able to have a little more conversation with her, but we are still trying to establish the relationship, especially because we live in the “guest house.” I know that God will surely provide a way for all of us to connect with her. I pray that He gives us the opportunity to take her out for ice cream or out to dinner. It has only been two weeks, so we continue to trust in His timing.

Trusting is hard. But God knows that it’s hard and yet He continues to love me...even when I don’t trust in Him. I pray that I can be reminded each day to trust in Him: when I’m homesick, when I don’t feel well, when I feel unsafe, when I get frustrated with the language.

Dios...él sabe. <3


-J