an unspoken dream

Well, I leave for Guatemala one week from today...well, actually, we leave Wednesday, but we meet for orientation the night before. So crazy. Something that I have been planning for and talking about for a year and a half is finally here. To be honest, I didn't think this day would come (for whatever reason!). I would say that I am finally focused on my trip and thinking more about it (because I am done studying and have passed my Biology test), but there is one more thing that is on my mind before I can be officially ready to embark on this journey: my Papa. 

My grandpa (God bless his heart, literally) has been in Atrial-Fibrillation for months and months and months now. He has had his share of feeling like crap and just being, well, miserable. What are they doing about it, you may ask? An ablation. The procedure is tomorrow, early in the morning. It could take up to six hours, if needed. Here is what happens during an ablation (via MayoClinic): 

"In cardiac ablation, doctors insert thin, flexible tubes (catheters) with electrodes on the tips into a blood vessel in your arm, groin or neck and thread them through your blood vessels to reach your heart. Doctors then apply heat (radiofrequency energy), a laser or extreme cold (cryoablation) through the catheters to destroy (ablate) abnormal heart tissue causing your heart rhythm disorder (arrhythmia)."

Now, I am used to my Papa having procedures and surgeries...it has been kind of a way of life since I was a kid since he has a weak heart and a pacemaker. However, this procedure is a bigger deal and will affect him in a great way. The hope is to get his heart somewhat back to normal so that his bloodflow is better and so he gets to feeling a bit stronger and healthier. 

Naturally, the conversation of "what if_______" has come up. Whether that blank is his death or a serious complication, it is never a fun conversation. If you don't know my Papa, you won't understand how much of a fighter he is. He has been through a lot in this life: a crushed skull during the Korean War, electrocution, a broken hip (I think), two knee replacements, numerous heart surgeries/procedures, and the list goes on. When I talk to my Papa, he is still there; he is alert and has so much left to give in this life. He loves with all he has and has awesome stories to tell about his life. When I think about him not being here, it doesn't seem real. I know that we are all going to die one day...but I can't believe that this is Papa's time. I REALLY don't think it's his time. You know when you see old people who are dying? They are immobile and really sick and you just think "oh, they would be so much better off with Jesus," Papa isn't that sick. He is strong and he likes to do things like watch the hummingbirds fight in the backyard or go "hunting dead people" as we call it...searching for graves of people and taking pictures as a volunteer photographer for some website. He loves my grandma and he loves all his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He even picked Brookie (20ish pounds) up this weekend and carried her to the neighbors to see the dog (which made him rather tired). I just cannot believe that God would take someone who remains so alive for an 81-year-old. 

I have this dream. I have never really told anyone about it, so you all should be honored to hear it. My dream is that I will dance with my Papa at my wedding. This is hard for me to imagine since he is old and I am clearly nowhere near marriage. But I am hoping that this procedure will make his heart last for some more years and that I will find the man who I am supposed to spend my life with so that my Papa, one of the best men I know, can be there to witness it and celebrate with me. 

So, as I write this with lots of varying emotions, I ask you to pray for Papa for the next few days. Pray for strength for him AND my grandma as they prepare for this procedure. Pray for God to guide the doctors' hands...that this procedure would be more successful than ever seen before. God is the Almighty Healer. And yes, he could heal Papa's heart right now without any modern-day science. Or, he can use Papa's doctors as a vehicle for healing. Either way, I want to dance with Papa at my wedding. So, say a little prayer for our family tomorrow and the next day, would ya? :) After this procedure, only then, will I focus on my trip.

-J 

Psalm 103:2-4
Praise the LORD, my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
   and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
   and crowns you with love and compassion

getting closer

Well, three weeks from today I will have just finished my first day in Guatemala. Whoa. That's crazy to think about. It's even crazier to think that I will be there for 15 weeks, but I won't focus on that yet because I will most likely start to panic! :P 

People keep asking me, "Are you getting excited for your trip? Are you starting to pack? Are you prepared?" Honestly, I haven't even started to think about this trip in depth, let alone the packing process because I have two REALLY important things to focus on first. You've heard me talk about them a lot already: my student teaching interview (this coming Monday) and my CLEP Biology test (a week from tomorrow). While I am not really nervous about my student teaching interview (I just want to know my placement), I am EXTREMELY nervous about my test. In case I haven't portrayed the importance of this test yet: I WILL NOT STUDENT TEACH OR GRADUATE IF I DON'T PASS!!!! Yeah, it's that important. This is one of those times when I am kicking myself in the rear for not being more productive and focusing on this sooner in my journey through college. It just so happened that I never was able to finish a science class during my time at SAU due to scheduling conflicts, so I figured I would just CLEP out of the course AND save some money. Great idea, huh? Well yeah, if you don't wait until the last minute to do it! So, needless to say, I have been attempting to study, study, study and cram my poor [large] brain full of scientific material that I don't really care about. [However, reading about the human body and other areas is rather fascinating!] I have to get a 50% to pass the test. And yes, you may be thinking to yourself, "well that doesn't seem too bad." It's not bad; however, I haven't had a Biology class since my sophomore year of high school...that was five years ago...

Right now, my prayer is the the Lord has favor on me and helps me to absorb all the necessary information and to filter out all the information that isn't even mentioned on the test. Is that a fair prayer? My only problem is that half of the time, I have no desire to study (and you would think I would be motivated due to the important nature of this test)...

So as we head up to our cottage for a weekend on the lake, possibly visiting Mackinaw Island, and spending time with a close friend, I am praying that the Lord provides me with motivation and discipline so that I make good use of my time. I need to be diligent and focused. Maybe you can pray that prayer with me as well? 

1 Peter 5:7 

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

i got that feeling...

You know that feeling you get when something great is over? Like, you just feel rather sad because you don't want it to be done? It could be a great TV show, or a long vacation...well, mine is the weekend. I spent the entire weekend with one of my best friends down in Columbus and we had a blast! It was hard to drive all the way home by myself and then once I got home, I was crabby because I didn't want the weekend to be over! 

We did a lot of really fun activities! We started off with lunch at the Rusty Bucket where I had a delicious turkey burger with avocado. :) We had a little adventure in Pier 1 Imports where I found a really cool mug (another thing I am obsessed with) for only $1.26!!! What a steal! Then we headed to the coolest place in the world...the Eddie Bauer Warehouse store!!! It was AWESOME! We spent a good chunk of time in the salvage room where every piece I got was only $5. I got some pretty sweet stuff for Guatemala. Friday evening was spent at the Columbus Zoo (the #1 zoo in the nation) for a fun little jazz concert called Jazoo...which turned out to be very couple-y, but oh well! 

Saturday was great too because we went on a 10.5 mile bike ride around Columbus on this awesome bike trail! Needless to say, my butt was a little sore the next day! We spent the evening out on the town in downtown Columbus (by evening I mean, we were back home by like 7:30pm! Haha.) and I witnessed a guy getting arrested and a very obvious cross-dresser! What an evening it was. But it was all made alright when we got sushi at a cool little Asian restaurant called Lemongrass. This was only the beginning of our eating for the day...we ended up eating a famous Schmidt's cream puff (5 bucks worth) and an entire thin-crust pizza from Josie's...it was marvelous...and sickening. We spent the evening relaxing while watching Footloose and icing our sore backs....sounds like old women, huh? Correct. 

When Sunday morning rolled around, we were both in horrible pain from our back issues and ended up laying around for the first 2 1/2 hours of the morning. Once we finally got ourselves together, we spent some quality time at a really cool mall near Columbus and I was able to experience Aleia eating her first full plate of Chinese food since I've known her! Haha, I felt so honored :P 

So, as I sit here this morning, I feel overwhelmed, sad, and just plain...weird. I had a GREAT weekend, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I feel overwhelmed because my CLEP test is in 10 days, my student teaching interview is a week from today, and I leave for Guatemala in 22 days. In addition, I feel tired and yucky because of all the junk we ate this weekend and I don't have much time to workout this week! AHHH! So yes, I've got that feeling, that pit of sadness or darkness that seems like it will never go away. I need to get back on the bandwagon: being focused and on a routine! I can do it...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 

-J

Wake Up!

My favorite band, NeedtoBreathe, released a new single in June...which means I have been listening to it nonstop since I bought it on iTunes the other day. It's just one of those songs that makes you want to dance and jump around...it wakes you up! 

The lyrics are rather inspiring and I encourage you to read them and listen to the song, I hope that it makes you as excited as I get :) 

"Slumber"

Days; they force you back under those covers,
lazy mornings; they multiply,
glory's waiting outside your windows.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Tongues are violent, personal and focused,
tough to be with your steady mind,
arts are stronger then to broken.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Take from vandals all you want now,
please don't trade it in for life,
replaced your feeble with the fable.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.

Sing like we used to,
dance when you want to,
taste for the breakthrough open wide.

All these victims stand in line for,
crumbs that fall from the table just enough to get by,
all the while your invitation.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Wake on up from your slumber, baby open up your eyes.
Come on, sing like we used to,
and dance like you want to.
Come on darlin' open your eyes.
I wanna sing like we used to.
I wanna dance like we want to.
Come on darlin' open up your eyes. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCmRKEEMzTo 

1 Thessalonians 5:6

So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be awake and sober.

Wake up! Today is a new day, come out of your slumber and live awake! :)

 -J 

do you really know me?

So I was thinking to myself today (and several other days this summer) about whether or not people really know me. I know this seems silly...I mean, the people who really need to know me are my family and closest friends, but there are some random things that I don't think some people know. 

#1: While I am 21 years old, thunderstorms make me nervous. Sometimes, I truly enjoy the crazy rain and the cool skylines that occur; however, most of the time I think about the worst that could happen. I think this is because of all the horror stories we hear on TV about the crazy things that happen to people during bad storms. So yes, when there's a storm, I would rather crawl under my covers and hide than go out on the porch and watch the happenings. 

#2: While I have a large interest in health and fitness, I have a HUGE sweet-tooth (which includes a strange love of Pop Tarts...horrible, I know). If there are yummy treats sitting in front of me, I will eat them. So what I'm really saying is: don't give me treats. :) 

#3: I have a birthmark on my right hand. Yes, it has hair on it...who cares? It always makes me laugh when kids or even some adults will blatantly ask, "What's that thing on your hand?!"...as if I don't know it's there. Sometimes I am really tempted to freak out when I look down, start yelling and crying, thinking there is something seriously wrong with me. 

#4: I am self-conscious about the size of my head. I know this is something that most people probably won't notice...but I notice it in practically every picture of me. Yes, I was a C-Section baby, so my head did not get smushed as I went through the birth canal...this is my reasoning for having a larger head. That and, I like to think that I have more brains than most of my peers ;)

**Just look at the size of my head compared to my sister's!

#5: I like to read, but most of the time, I just want to see the movie. I know, I know, this is really abnormal for an English minor. Don't get me wrong, I really love holding a book in my hand, reading and learning about a new character, etc. But sometimes, it's just easier to see it in action on the movie screen. To be honest, if I had more time to read for leisure, I would probably enjoy it more. I have a long list of books that I want to read...someday I will!

That's all for now! Have a blessed day!

a prayer for peace.

After a phone call today with a close friend (who will be spending the semester in Guatemala with me), I really began to think about what the next four months of my life are going to entail...complete change and a magnificently different environment. It's official, I leave in 36 days for my semester in Antigua, Guatemala and I have finally come to terms that this is really happening. It's been rather surreal this entire summer as I try to make it through my job, summer class, the big test, and my student teaching interview (the latter two which have not happened yet). But it hit me today that I will be spending 15 weeks away from my family, my home, my bed, my school...it's a crazy thing to think about. 

I am quickly learning, however, that this is the opportunity of a lifetime and there are more people in this world that will NEVER have such an awesome opportunity. I am young and there are many experiences ahead of me in this life, this being one of them. So, the following is my prayer...and I ask you to commit to praying this prayer with me (for me) now and while I am in Guatemala. 

Heavenly Father, 

I humbly come before you knowing that you are a great God with a mighty plan for my life. Right now I can honestly say that I am anxious, nervous, and scared for this new experience. It is all unknown and I am the queen of planning which makes this even more challenging for me. I know that this has been a part of your plan for my life forever and I rest assured that you are in control of all things. I thank you for giving me this opportunity to learn and grow and flourish, and I ask that you ignite a passion and excitement in my heart for this trip. God, I also ask for that peace that surpasses all understanding as I leave everything that I know and venture out into the unknown. I pray that I will feel your presence as I study, volunteer, and live with the Guatemalan people. I pray that you give me a new passion and open my eyes for what you have in store for me in this life. I pray that I would embrace this beautiful gift you have given me and live it to the fullest with the people that I am with. I pray for a sense of safety as I go into a land much different than my own. I ask that you would bless my family while I am gone and keep them safe in their daily activities. You are the God of peace and strength and joy and I ask that you would place each of those on my heart as I begin this incredible journey that I see as the beginning of my independent, adult life. Let me be a light that shines before men, that they would see You in me. Cast away any fear, doubt, or anxiety and may I board the plane clinging to my confidence in Jesus Christ. Thank you, Father. I pray in the magnificent name of Christ, Amen. 

1 Samuel 1:17

Eli answered, "Go in peace, and may the God of Israel grant you what you have asked of him."