an unspoken dream

Well, I leave for Guatemala one week from today...well, actually, we leave Wednesday, but we meet for orientation the night before. So crazy. Something that I have been planning for and talking about for a year and a half is finally here. To be honest, I didn't think this day would come (for whatever reason!). I would say that I am finally focused on my trip and thinking more about it (because I am done studying and have passed my Biology test), but there is one more thing that is on my mind before I can be officially ready to embark on this journey: my Papa. 

My grandpa (God bless his heart, literally) has been in Atrial-Fibrillation for months and months and months now. He has had his share of feeling like crap and just being, well, miserable. What are they doing about it, you may ask? An ablation. The procedure is tomorrow, early in the morning. It could take up to six hours, if needed. Here is what happens during an ablation (via MayoClinic): 

"In cardiac ablation, doctors insert thin, flexible tubes (catheters) with electrodes on the tips into a blood vessel in your arm, groin or neck and thread them through your blood vessels to reach your heart. Doctors then apply heat (radiofrequency energy), a laser or extreme cold (cryoablation) through the catheters to destroy (ablate) abnormal heart tissue causing your heart rhythm disorder (arrhythmia)."

Now, I am used to my Papa having procedures and surgeries...it has been kind of a way of life since I was a kid since he has a weak heart and a pacemaker. However, this procedure is a bigger deal and will affect him in a great way. The hope is to get his heart somewhat back to normal so that his bloodflow is better and so he gets to feeling a bit stronger and healthier. 

Naturally, the conversation of "what if_______" has come up. Whether that blank is his death or a serious complication, it is never a fun conversation. If you don't know my Papa, you won't understand how much of a fighter he is. He has been through a lot in this life: a crushed skull during the Korean War, electrocution, a broken hip (I think), two knee replacements, numerous heart surgeries/procedures, and the list goes on. When I talk to my Papa, he is still there; he is alert and has so much left to give in this life. He loves with all he has and has awesome stories to tell about his life. When I think about him not being here, it doesn't seem real. I know that we are all going to die one day...but I can't believe that this is Papa's time. I REALLY don't think it's his time. You know when you see old people who are dying? They are immobile and really sick and you just think "oh, they would be so much better off with Jesus," Papa isn't that sick. He is strong and he likes to do things like watch the hummingbirds fight in the backyard or go "hunting dead people" as we call it...searching for graves of people and taking pictures as a volunteer photographer for some website. He loves my grandma and he loves all his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He even picked Brookie (20ish pounds) up this weekend and carried her to the neighbors to see the dog (which made him rather tired). I just cannot believe that God would take someone who remains so alive for an 81-year-old. 

I have this dream. I have never really told anyone about it, so you all should be honored to hear it. My dream is that I will dance with my Papa at my wedding. This is hard for me to imagine since he is old and I am clearly nowhere near marriage. But I am hoping that this procedure will make his heart last for some more years and that I will find the man who I am supposed to spend my life with so that my Papa, one of the best men I know, can be there to witness it and celebrate with me. 

So, as I write this with lots of varying emotions, I ask you to pray for Papa for the next few days. Pray for strength for him AND my grandma as they prepare for this procedure. Pray for God to guide the doctors' hands...that this procedure would be more successful than ever seen before. God is the Almighty Healer. And yes, he could heal Papa's heart right now without any modern-day science. Or, he can use Papa's doctors as a vehicle for healing. Either way, I want to dance with Papa at my wedding. So, say a little prayer for our family tomorrow and the next day, would ya? :) After this procedure, only then, will I focus on my trip.

-J 

Psalm 103:2-4
Praise the LORD, my soul,
   and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
   and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
   and crowns you with love and compassion