Who Am I?

The lyrics to a popular Casting Crowns song comes to mind this morning as I sit and contemplate the distance that has grown between myself and my God. 

"Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart."

Last night my mom and I went to an intergenerational church event for women called "True Love." While I was hesitant to go, I went because I wanted to spend some quality time with my mom and I must say, it was good food for my soul. This summer has been very challenging spiritually as I find myself pulling away from my relationship with God. There have been times in which I feel the Holy Spirit nudging me to read my Bible or devotional as it sits on my bedside stand...and selfishly, I find myself putting a movie on my computer as I fall asleep instead. Or when a friend texts me with a prayer request, I say a quick 30-seconder that will cover what I already know God knows. But why can't I stop everything I am doing and take 5 or 10 minutes to pray for that friend? 

When I find myself reflecting over the summer thus far, I can't help but think that the Lord must be rather disappointed in me. I haven't help up my end of the bargain...I haven't been faithful in my prayer time, I've had a bad attitude and often times, a dirty mouth, I've continued sins that I know I need to stop, and I haven't even read my Bible since sometime at the beginning of June! I have found myself making every excuse and I am realizing that enough is enough. Yes, I am broken and wounded and have more flaws than I can begin to describe, and yet, the Creator of the universe loves me as His precious bride no matter what. When I am the most sinful and scary, He still loves me. When I wake up in the morning and look like crap, He still loves me. When I yell at my parents for annoying me, He still loves me. No matter what, the Father still looks upon me with the unconditional love that most of us humans will never comprehend. I certainly did not do anything to deserve such love. 

Be encouraged today. If you have fallen away from your relationship with Jesus Christ, you are not alone. If you feel guilty and broken inside, turn your eyes upon Jesus and look full in his wonderful face. You are redeemed by the Blood of the Lamb.